All The Best Ones Are Taken

All the best ones are taken.

One of my best friends is convinced, CONVINCED that all the best boys are taken. If they are in their late twenties/early thirties, attractive, nice and funny (MUST BE FUNNY), then they are off the market, babes. Moving in together with their girlfriends and instagramming their morning pancakes. If we’re out together and she sees a hot guy she likes, I’ll make the encouraging ‘talk to him eyes’ and she’ll just sigh and say, ‘he’s obviously in a relationship, Suse.’

 She basically thinks that if we want to have another relationship, well, we’re going to have to settle. Go out with someone we don’t fancy but who is nice and will hug us and make us peppermint tea and see nice art exhibitions with us….(zzzzzzz).  

I just… I cannot face this piece of information. It’s too depressing, and I’ve become one of those irritatingly optimistic ‘it will all work out in the end’ types.  Also it makes me feel like my soul MIGHT fall out of my womb because she is SUCH a KNOCK OUT and she shouldn’t have to settle one bit. No. (Sorry, that was a bit Beyonce, wasn’t it?) 

 So, initially I was up in ARMS about it (in a way, I mean, I’m pretty lazy, so…) but it made me want to launch a nationwide search for appropriate men. Like a realllllllly large scale Take Me Out, but with hot men and minus the unbearable cringe factor of the show. I was CONVINCED there must be suitable men out there and we just needed to find them. 

 But just lately, I’ve started to think she might be right. I’m the type of romantic who believes that my dude (I really hate the term soulmate, but that kind of thing) is just around the corner, probably buying a nice snack or making a witty quip about boats. And I’m patiently waiting. It’s very LITERALLY the only thing I’m capable of being patient about. I still turn to the last page of every book I read because I’m too impatient to know how it ends, every meal I make has to be ready within 20 minutes or it’s really not worth cooking, and I FREQUENTLY pay the extra couple of quid for next day delivery even if I don’t NEED to for the next day because lets face it, its probably just ANOTHER pair of leather leggings. Anyway, my train is stuck at impatient station. Except for THIS. In THIS I have the patience of a saint.

BUT NOT ANYMORE. Oh no. It’s been ripped out of me. Now I have my friend’s VOICE in my head all the time. Alllllll of the time. And I’ve started noticing how EVERY NICE boy I meet who gives me fizzy knicks, is either in a relationship or too young (not illegal, just like, 21 or 22) (….incidentally how OLD is too old for a 21 year old?). And I’m worried that maybe she is RIGHT and I’m going to have to start waiting until they all get divorced in about 5 years time like a prowling cougar. (I reaaaaaaaaaaalllllly don’t want to prowl, it doesn’t sound like fun).

And whilst I’m on this subject, can I just quickly ask – boys I meet who are in a relationship, PLEASE DON’T do that thing where you make it EXTRA clear you’re unavailable, as though I was about to straddle them at ANY moment and thrust my bare bosom in your face (this is an aside that isn’t really relevant, it just really longs me out).

Anyway. That’s all I have to say. This blog really has no purpose other than to somehow diffuse my anxiety. I realise there are probably men facing this very same predicament, so sorry if this blog is gender biased within an inch of its life.

Oh and if you ARE single and hot and male, my friend is WAITING. She is so great. 

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